The Fake Fear of Loss

TV Game Shows involving huge sums of money are a phenomenon that is almost as intriguing as human behavior – leveraging on the fear of losing what never was yours.

A very popular such show being played is called ‘Deal or No Deal’ where with every win some money is offered to the player and she has a right to accept it and go home or refuse it and play more with a risk of decreasing the quantum of probable win. What is unbelievably witnessed is a play of raw emotions of the player, and to an extent of the audience with the fluctuating prize money as if the whole sum to start with belonged to you. In the loud excitement of the game, the player chooses to be oblivious to the fact that in reality she came to the show with nothing.

The success of such shows can be attributed to their design which is so close to our modus operandi in real life. The minute we perceive a gain in the probable future, it is translated in our minds as our possession and hence is anchored to a huge sense of loss in the event of the gain not materializing. Little do we realize that we were perfectly at peace with status quo before the carrot of the gain was dangled in front of us. Little do we also realize that the insatiable desire for the gain does not end with a simple win, the mind quickly shifts its focus to the next perceivable gain in the future into a continual cycle of ephemeral wins and stinging losses.

As if proactively seeking triggers for restlessness, we create our own world operating on a fear of loss of what actually was never there. So you decide today that you must reach a particular milestone in a particular time-frame, doing which you would add huge value to how the world perceives you. Before making this decision, you were devoid of the entropy involved with an expectation from yourself pivoted on the belief that the achievement of the milestone is what is required to make you more admired or wanted. But suddenly you are filled with this restless energy, which makes you extremely uncomfortable if you predict any deviation from the course you charted for yourself. Going back in time, nothing in your being has dramatically altered from the pre to post decision but out of the thin air there suddenly is this huge sense of failure that fills you with every perceived dither.

The chain of thoughts above is not expected to be interpreted as my validation of a life sans milestones and goals, on the contrary I am an advocate of what the psychologists call as ‘eustress’ or the ‘good’ stress in individuals for achieving their goals as opposed to ‘bad’ stress or distress. What I wish to send across is an awareness that sieves bubble-like gains from permanent ones and hence consequentially channelizing the energy into the pursuit of higher goals which by the nature of their being do not involve negative traits of fear and loss. Zeroing in on self-identified ‘higher’ goals also saves us from the wasteful spending of energy on attributing the losses to ‘outside’ of us and hence operating from a richer understanding. Gita is full of teachings aimed at making one understand the real wins and gains in life are generally not what we can touch, feel and smell nor do they sprout from our ego-center, instead the true gains are an absolute pleasure to pursue.

I recently read a paragraph that caught my eye and completes the ensemble of thoughts expressed:

"This is the true joy of life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.....the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."