This One’s for You Pranay……….
As I complete a year post my life taking a nuptial hue, I cannot but be awed by the mega changes that I embraced sans experiencing any of the oft touted about negative connotations for change. On the contrary I feel like an improved person, and I have none but ‘US’ (no pun intended) to thank for.
If I were to consciously analyze what made this year so beautiful that it makes me look forward to many more, the higher design unfurls as what follows. This is also what I want to share with all of those who are either too scared to commit or are divided between being single or embracing the marital bliss.
Bruce Tuckerman, an American Psychologist, while talking about formation of teams must have had no idea that his theory is more globally applicable than what he had conceived. What he delineated about team building is that all teams go through four stages before they function as desired. These stages are ‘Forming’ or the team coming together, ‘Storming’ or different ideas competing for attention, ‘Norming’ or adjustment of team behavior so that work habits are more fluid and natural and finally ‘Performing’ or team work that is so smooth that it requires no need for external supervision. The perfect analogy for newly weds is too beautifully aligned to dismiss. Irrespective of whether you choose your own partner or one is suggested to you by others, you have to go through the storming phase before you can tacitly establish the norms that enable a perfect rhythm for your time together. If the storming phase is too long something is certainly not aligned while if it’s too short denial could be the only explanation. A healthy storming phase leads to a peachy performing phase that surely makes every discussion bordering on argument worth it.
Another mantra that worked wonders for me is the complete comprehension and acceptance of the idea of all pervading ‘One’. This sprouts from the simple understanding of non-duality between the omnipresent energy and each of us – stating differently we all are actually One, a part of the rich energy source, deceptively bounded by our physical forms. The espousal of this idea is liberating. It frees you from the continual games that your mind plays where you look for opportunities to feel like a victim – phrases you often hear in your mind like ‘I have done so much and still…’ or ‘nothing is ever enough…..’ simply evaporate by the warmth of the understanding. Then the actions of your partner are actually not what ‘he’ is doing to ‘you’ but are the expressions of you when you are in the same mood- the specific vocabulary that I have adopted sounds like ‘he’s not being hurtful toward me, but it’s an expression of me when I am irritated’ or ‘he’s not making me wait, but it’s an act by me when I am running behind time’. Once the responsibility shifts from ‘him’ to ‘us’ and to finally to ‘me’ the light bulb blinks up that all of us, including my partner, are One – obliterating any reason for blame-gaming.
Including this conscious approach is certainly worth the thinking and action required. It makes all the expectations you had for a life filled with unbound joys and learnings come alive. A complete relationship is almost spiritual where your partner is the hot air in your balloon to enable you to touch the sky not the big rock holding the balloon to the ground, where both are one without giving up their core, where you are nudged by the other toward improvement even when your disappointed heart wants to give up, where when you come back home after a long day the exertion seems to vanish because you are truly at home.
As I was growing up on a staple diet of Richard Bach’s ideas, unconsciously I had crafted in my mind this picture of an ideal relationship. Years later when I re-read and quote below my favorite lines from ‘Bridge Across Forever’ I cannot but feel blessed since it mirrors the snapshot and the road map of the life that I now share – thanks to you Pranay for all the love, light and health!
“A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.”
-Richard Bach
As I complete a year post my life taking a nuptial hue, I cannot but be awed by the mega changes that I embraced sans experiencing any of the oft touted about negative connotations for change. On the contrary I feel like an improved person, and I have none but ‘US’ (no pun intended) to thank for.
If I were to consciously analyze what made this year so beautiful that it makes me look forward to many more, the higher design unfurls as what follows. This is also what I want to share with all of those who are either too scared to commit or are divided between being single or embracing the marital bliss.
Bruce Tuckerman, an American Psychologist, while talking about formation of teams must have had no idea that his theory is more globally applicable than what he had conceived. What he delineated about team building is that all teams go through four stages before they function as desired. These stages are ‘Forming’ or the team coming together, ‘Storming’ or different ideas competing for attention, ‘Norming’ or adjustment of team behavior so that work habits are more fluid and natural and finally ‘Performing’ or team work that is so smooth that it requires no need for external supervision. The perfect analogy for newly weds is too beautifully aligned to dismiss. Irrespective of whether you choose your own partner or one is suggested to you by others, you have to go through the storming phase before you can tacitly establish the norms that enable a perfect rhythm for your time together. If the storming phase is too long something is certainly not aligned while if it’s too short denial could be the only explanation. A healthy storming phase leads to a peachy performing phase that surely makes every discussion bordering on argument worth it.
Another mantra that worked wonders for me is the complete comprehension and acceptance of the idea of all pervading ‘One’. This sprouts from the simple understanding of non-duality between the omnipresent energy and each of us – stating differently we all are actually One, a part of the rich energy source, deceptively bounded by our physical forms. The espousal of this idea is liberating. It frees you from the continual games that your mind plays where you look for opportunities to feel like a victim – phrases you often hear in your mind like ‘I have done so much and still…’ or ‘nothing is ever enough…..’ simply evaporate by the warmth of the understanding. Then the actions of your partner are actually not what ‘he’ is doing to ‘you’ but are the expressions of you when you are in the same mood- the specific vocabulary that I have adopted sounds like ‘he’s not being hurtful toward me, but it’s an expression of me when I am irritated’ or ‘he’s not making me wait, but it’s an act by me when I am running behind time’. Once the responsibility shifts from ‘him’ to ‘us’ and to finally to ‘me’ the light bulb blinks up that all of us, including my partner, are One – obliterating any reason for blame-gaming.
Including this conscious approach is certainly worth the thinking and action required. It makes all the expectations you had for a life filled with unbound joys and learnings come alive. A complete relationship is almost spiritual where your partner is the hot air in your balloon to enable you to touch the sky not the big rock holding the balloon to the ground, where both are one without giving up their core, where you are nudged by the other toward improvement even when your disappointed heart wants to give up, where when you come back home after a long day the exertion seems to vanish because you are truly at home.
As I was growing up on a staple diet of Richard Bach’s ideas, unconsciously I had crafted in my mind this picture of an ideal relationship. Years later when I re-read and quote below my favorite lines from ‘Bridge Across Forever’ I cannot but feel blessed since it mirrors the snapshot and the road map of the life that I now share – thanks to you Pranay for all the love, light and health!
“A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.”
-Richard Bach
posted by Garima at 8:44 AM
1 comments
